Sunday, January 24, 2010

and then I met myself!!!!!!!!

I wake up at 3 in the morning, I thank god coz I had another half and hour to sleep. again my alarm rings, I mustered all my courage and got ready for my another morning shift.I drove & reached the restaurant as usuall. My manager was feeling sick so she couldn't do all stuff and I had to manage each and everyhting. I finished my shift at 1 and came home. I was dead tired and slept for couple of hours.During my sleep I had a dream. Most of the time I don't remember my dreams but this was special one. I see my father in dream, standing on roof covering himself in a blanket in a dense fog. My cousin and I staring through window and talking to each other, Look Who is there somekind of Ghost and then he turns around I see my little brother in his arms. I wake up suddenly and feel I'm sick. Is it homesickness? I don't know. I have been away from parents for 5 years and never felt home sick. But today I was down and had weird feelings, missing everyone.

Corner of my room, I find my sketch pencils. I haven't used them for ages but can't find papers. My brother knows one shop So we go there to buy some papers. "Gordon Harris" art & graphic shop for artists. awesome. I feel the smell of pencils and oil colours.it reminds me of my old days when I used to do sketching. I begin to find myself in that store...

Sitting in my room holding paper thinking over & over again. The first image that was running in my mind was "Nanak" face. I guess I'm not capable enough to draw such beautiful face on earth. But I wanted to draw him. So here is the outcome of my new sketch after such a long time.

"Rakhi hai meri laaj tuney har mukaam par"
"Yuhi karaam rahey mere maula gulaam kar"



Thursday, January 14, 2010

Loyal Heart !!!!!!!



Have you ever wondered what true friendship & love means? hard to define and hard to find in this world. But exceptions are always there.Its a story of compassion, committment & dedication a man can inculcate while dealing with true love and friendship. Its story of life & death and thin red line that separate them.

A boy ,an artist by profession, whose skills bring laurel and appreciation to him ,has a very beautiful and caring friend. It seems they are made for each. every evening, boy just walk down the street just to see her glimpse.They go out and sit by the river side for hours speaking nothing but their hearts can understand the hidden feelings they carry for each other.Boy tells lot of stories of moon & star & girl sits beside him quitely listening to his fairytales. It is evening and really dark, boy insists her to go but there is somehting which binding her to stay back. She enjoys his company and wishes this moment would never die.


Next day boy again walks up to her house with wrapped thing. Girl is standing on doorway as if shes been waiting for him for ages.He offers sovenir to her and desperately she opens that wrapped thing. Boy can feel the light in her eyes. She laughs and hug him. It is the portrait of her which he did it long time back.They sit under moon light and boy is overwhelmed by the smell of girl's perfume carried by cold breeze. Then girl breaks silence and says, she is going for some reasons and she won't be able to see him. Boy with a little smile on his face ask her to make promise that she will be in touch where ever she goes and he will wait for her.

Days were not same as they used to be for boy, but he doesn't quit visiting her house hoping she would come out with big smile. he doesn't hear nothing from her. Days turn into months and months into years. No news from girl.Gradually he starts loosing interest in painting, his life excites him no more. He stops going out and stops meeting people. All he can do sit in his room thinking about her all the time.He starts finding her in every person. But there is no way
which can ease his pain. He starts loosing himself.He attempts to end his life. but It was not easy for him. Heaps of question take his sleep away.He is restless, hopeless & helpless. Gradually he starts accepting the reality that she will never come back and his life changes forever. He is more quite than he was ever. He starts keeping pretty much to himself. In other word he is body without soul.

One day he wakes up in the morning and receive phone call. The call is from other city and nurse on the line informes him that there is one girl who keep saying your name in pain. He immediatley pack his back and on his way to see her. when he reaches there he finds she is the same girl, hospitalised. she has lost all hope and she doesn't want to live. He goes mad, looking at her condition. Afterall she is his first love. Doctor on duty says she keeps staring at leaf outside window all the time and she says when that leaf dies, that day will be the last day of her life. Doctor can give medicine but they can not treat or give hope to a person unless or untill person himself is determined to come out of it. Nurse standing beside her says we all know that leaf will die one day. It is peculair case.Boy cann't help thinking that how come she is sick & so depressed.


Next morning he comes to see her. she is sleeping. He kisses on her cheek and tear rolls down his eyes and falls on her forehead.He sees his love going away one more time right in front of his eyes. he decides, he will not let her go so easily. He stands up and walks up to window and look at the leaf. Inside his heart he knows soon autumn will arrive and leaf has to die. That thought shatter him ,he immediately go home, picks up his brush and canvass and starts doing portrait. A life time portrait and someone life depends on every colour and texture he is going to put.

He visits her everyday but she doesn't talk to him, Autumn arrives and then spring but leaf is still there, as green as it was ever. hope starts building and miracle happens. She starts showing postive sign. When she is discharged from hospital boy takes her to that window and says look at the leaf. When she touches the leaf she feels it is not real. Its a portrait of leaf. Boy holds her from arms and say I did it for you so that she doesn't leave him alone in this world. Tears roll down her eyes and she runs into his arms and say I left you alone. I couldn't understand your love. Boy holds her face and says its alright !!!!!!

but why she ends up in hospital???? that is mystery

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Stoned hearts!

When I came here in hostel last year in feb, it was new experience for me.I was brimmed with confidence and big dreams. gradually this place started showing its true colors. Well i guess i should stop putting blame on this place infact Certain circumstances happened and left me with so many questions and answers of those questions were why me!!!!!!!!!!!. My freinds in india used to talk about deception and clever people but I never took them seriously coz I was protected by some invisible blanket.I forgot that "invisible blanket" back home and became
victim of such deception here in NZ.I was blown away anyway I don't want to dwell on my biography may be its not a right time.


Well the place where I live used to be army barracks.they converted this into private hostel long back. Rooms, rooms and more rooms sometimes washrooms lolz nothing else. This place is so dead and scared the shit out of you. Silent corridor, silent rooms & silent car parking. my friends have inculcated certains hobbies to keep their mind busy. A girl next to my room, she keeps updating "farmvilla" and when she got nothing to update she keeps cooking. A guy down the corridor checks the updates on facebook before even they are updated. I write, click pictures &
sometimes I do sketching. Next best thing is sharing movies. when we all meet in kitchen we don't talk about residency or PR. We only discuss whos got the latest movie. May be no one wanna sleep silently.


When we got nothing to do we drink n become stoned, best way to spend time.Here people are so fond of smoking. I know one guy he smokes 50 cig. in a day damn him. He is "maha chain smoker" I remember when we went to see 3 idiots in sky city, he smoked half of the pack before the start of the movie.


We are now used to such kind of lifestyle, millions of thoughts but no voice. in other words " mild depression"

Monday, January 4, 2010

unspoken words

My morning shifts are killing me these days. I have to wake up at 3 in the morning to get ready. I hate shaving in the morning. Everything is so dull one can't even imagine. I usually finish my shift around 1 in the afternoon and then drive straight home to take a nap. I always end up sleeping not more than three hours and then I have to prepare my mind for another morning shift uffff. This mean that I have no time to write or create something new.

Today is my day off so i got plenty of time to think about myself (my favourite hobby and time pass lolz). I always wanted to do something different but my desire to be different took me away from my close one and even I couldn't realise. I finished my shift at 1 yesterday afternoon, drove home, turned on my computer and started staring at it for no reasons. Suddenly my friend came with good idea.Its been a long time since i have visited Gurudwara. Its about half an hour drive from where I live. My cousin says Ham Gurudwara is the oldest in New Zealand.

Now I'm standing in front of God with folded hand and eyes closed, waiting for the words to come out of my mouth.But it didn't happen, My mind was silent as if it had nothing to ask.Time stood still. My pray had no words. It was silent like a moon."God be with me" that were the last words came out of my mind, I turned back started walking but my soul was still there waiting for the pray to over..